Foolish Games

A month of baseball season is done. What? You want to know what I think? Okay!

1. First of all, I’m in first place in one of my pools. Wow. Thanks to a little drafting help from one of the boys in my other pool, I’ve managed to steal first place from Dennis' possibly better team, but it’s by the smallest of margins. Not sure how long it'll last, but at least I won a month! Really, I think it’s a two horse race, with maybe a couple other teams pushing it (and that does include your team Danny, but only because you have Roy Halladay). Really, I do know my baseball, but I definitely won’t get started on making that trophy. It’s a long season.

2. The Yankees are in last place. LAST PLACE! Jeter said it right when he talked about how it’s not Joe’s fault that our pitching staff couldn’t pitch in the Little League World Series. Well, he didn’t say that exactly, but I like to infer. And the one game we win against the Red Sox in the past two weeks, we lose ANOTHER pitcher. Then Phil Hughes is throwing a gem, and he pulls a hammy. Carl Pavano’s DL party claims more victims. Either way, I doubt Torre will be fired during the season, unless this ungodly slide continues (which it won’t). Eventually the Yankees will regroup and probably limp into second in the AL East. I’m not sure they’ll make the playoffs, but hey, it’s only May and they haven’t thrown $100 million at Clemens just yet.

3. Speaking of Clemens, if he won’t pitch for the Astros, how can one be so sure he’ll pitch for the Yankees? The analysts keep saying that the Astros need to get their asses in gear because Clemens won’t pitch for a last-place team, but last I checked, the Astros aren’t in last place. The Yankees are. Oh man, I better start saving for that vacation.

4. So I may be in first place in one pool, but I’m definitely a cellar dweller in the other pool. It’s really hard to have a consistently good team in a league of thirteen. And I didn’t know how to draft at that point. Also Manny has been absolutely terrible for me. Plus I'm the only girl! (Funny how that doesn't hurt me in the other league, but minor details.)

5. The Red Sox have a really good team. And they have a really good rotation. Sox fans can stop whining about Tavarez being terrible because 1) he really hasn’t been and 2) he’ll be going back to the bullpen soon anyway when Jon Lester comes back, which is even scarier. It’s sad because the Sox haven’t even had Manny play that well. And their middle relief is terrible, but it doesn’t even matter because their middle relievers are rarely used. Papelbon has officially taken over Mariano Rivera’s spot as the most intimidating closer in the game. Nobody sneers at a batter like he does. Did I mention I hate Curt Schilling? (Don’t take this paragraph as a white flag from a Yankees fan, because it’s not. I’m simply stating that the Red Sox had a crazy April.)

6. Alex Rodriguez has fourteen (14!) homeruns. Of course, he slowed up a little at the end of the month. I think it’s kind of indicative of a typical A-Rod season: red hot at the beginning, ice cold at the end. Oops, I mean, A-Rod has done a terrific job. Keep on keepin’ on, A-Rod.

7. Moving on to another sport, did anyone notice the NBA Playoffs are on right now? This is the first season in a while that I haven’t been really into basketball, and I know it’s because the Kings aren't in it and that breaks my heart. I did get to see them play in Boston, but a slightly crappy team playing against a really crappy team does not equal a good game. The problem with my Kings is that they weren’t playoff material (and even if they were, they were first-round exit material), but they weren’t extremely bad, lottery bound material. Unlike Celtics and Grizzlies fans, I couldn’t even hope that my team would lose!

8. The NFL draft just finished. I probably know the least about football, but I do know that the Patriots drafted that guy from the U who was stomping on people during the Miami-Florida International brawl. Speaking of athletes with sparkling records, that guy who was kicked off Boston College’s basketball team, likely for drug use, should still be drafted in June. I wish I could make millions of dollars and still be a degenerate.

9. Apparently Tom Brady bought Gisele a Cartier bracelet for being so supportive of him throughout the Bridget Moynahan pregnancy media circus. Could you imagine if your mother was Bridget Moynahan, your father was Tom Brady and your step-mother was Gisele? I think they should set aside money for therapy bills instead of college.

10. And the Canucks just lost Game 4 in OT, when they were up 2-0. Now they go back to Anaheim, down 3-1 in the series. Goddamnit. I will drag myself out of bed tomorrow, sick or not, for post-game drinking. We’ll either be celebrating as the Canucks stave off elimination, or crying into our beers, like we did Tuesday night. I hear beer is really good for sore throats.

More later.